When Both Parents Work
Not too many years ago in
the typical American family, only the father worked outside the home. Usually
the mother was the homemaker and was there to greet the children when they
returned home from school each day. But there have been dramatic changes in
that picture. Today, the mothers of nearly 76 percent of children over the age
of 5 are in the workforce, and during workdays no parent is at home or readily
available. During school hours most children essentially are being looked after
by a teacher, and after school, before their parents come home, they may be
cared for by another adult - in many cases a relative, a neighbor or a
commercial childcare facility. About 7 percent of middle-years children return
from school to an empty house and care for themselves until their mother or
father arrives. With most of their waking hours spent away from their parents,
the quality of children's everyday experiences is difficult to predict and
control.
Millions
of families find that they need two wage-earners in order to buy a home, pay
the rent, afford vacations or simply to maintain the
family budget. In most communities, two-working-parent families are no longer
exceptional.
The
Impact of Working
When
both parents are occupied with their jobs for eight or more hours per day,
there are obvious effects on the family. On the positive side, the family has
an increased income and thus fewer financial stresses. Also, when both parents
work, there is a potential for greater equality in the roles of husband and
wife. Depending on the nature of the parents' work, as well as the family's
values, fathers may assume more responsibility for childcare and housework than
has traditionally been the case. With their wives out in the workplace, men
find it easier to define a greater role for themselves
in child-raising. This is particularly evident when parents have staggered work
schedules - for instance, if the father works daytime hours and is home after
school and in the evening, while the mother works a shift such as
The
Risks of Shift Work
Many
families are feeling the stress of overcommitted and overscheduled lives. But
few families feel it more than those in which parents work at different times
of the day. When parents work different shifts and are not home together very
often, a strain is put on their relationship and the family. Even more
difficult are jobs that have rotating shifts - firefighting and nursing, for
instance - forcing parents to work different hours each week; those schedules
can prevent families from establishing routines and rhythms and can seriously
disrupt family stability.
In
these families, husbands and wives often have little or no time together. If
they are lucky they have a day or two during the week when they are both off,
but their sleep schedules may be so different that they still spend very little
time with each other. These people essentially pass messages to each other, and
their parenting may be hampered by a minimum of teamwork.
When
parents work different shifts, children often sense that a problem exists. They
rarely see their parents together, and they sometimes yearn for a
"normal" family life. Parents in these situations have to work
especially hard at giving their children the feeling that their family really
is a unit, despite the difficult schedules. They need to make the most of
weekends and vacations and support each other in areas like household
responsibilities and discipline.
For
some families, shift work is a solution to providing good childcare and
supervision for children who would otherwise be left in the care of another
adult or on their own. Such arrangements may provide a financial benefit to the
family and a sense of comfort to the child.
Parenting
Alert
When
both spouses work, there are two particular aspects of parenting that often
suffer:
Some
parents become less nurturing or less emotionally available. Caught up in the hectic
pace of their lives, parents may give their children a little less attention
and loving care than they need. Set aside time each evening to show your
children some affection. Bedtime is often a good time for that.
Some
parents are afraid to set limits. Setting limits is an important component of
gaining the respect of your youngsters. For children to grow into happy and
secure adults, they need to be sensitive to your feelings and values and listen
to what you say. If you see that they follow the rules you set, they will adopt
many of your values.
Excerpted
from "Caring
for Your School-Age Child: Ages 5-12" Bantam 1999
© Copyright 2000